10 Reasons Not To Use Microsoft Word Art At Work

word art

Last week, I received a 31 slide presentation that basically used Microsoft Word Art for each and every text used. I unfortunately had the sad role of collating all the presentations sent out and it included this monstrosity. I had to double check if the sender was a child because in my head, only a child would send such a cringe- worthy thing. I mean, really. It didn’t make sense that a 40 year old would use this much Word Art. The bendy, fat, colorful letters and the clip arts that are just meant to annoy people have no place in a corporate presentation. So, I conclude that person secretly hates me. She must hate the fact that I keep microwaving popcorn in the pantry and fill the air with buttery popcorn scents at work. She must have thought:

” For every corn you pop, I’ll give you a faux drop shadow, bevel and emboss.”

“You pop some more and I bend this letter until you can’t understand it.”

” You chose cheese flavor this time..you deserve a multi-colored, gradient-filled extravaganza!”

*Bwahahahaha! Evil laugh*

In my opinion, Word Art was added by the devil in Microsoft to make people have a false sense of creativity. I cannot convince everyone to  not use Word Art but I will try. I will make it my life’s work, I will make it my mission.

10 REASONS NOT TO USE MICROSOFT WORD ART AT WORK

  1. Word Art died together with acid washed jeans. Do not bring it to life.
  2. Do you know that once you turn text into Word Art, it’s Word Art forever? You can’t turn it back into normal text. You have doomed that poor text’s life forever! (and normal people have to retype the document) You want to make sure something isn’t copied? Turn it into Word Art, not a PDF file.
  3. If your boss or God forbid Human Resources uses Word Art, it might catch on and create a culture of oompa-loompas, Bananas in Pajamas and Barney at its worst. Imagine Sales Reports in Word Art.
  4. Unless your mind is bent, don’t bend the words.
  5. Word Art is not creative. It’s just plain lazy.
  6. Color is tolerated. An entire Crayola box of colors (64 color box with the sharpener at the back) is not even close to appropriate.
  7. It might ignite office mates to bring in semi- automatic guns to work and just do a shooting spree. It just messes up the mind, you know?
  8. Word Art + Clip arts is a lie from the devil. I’m sure it’s in the Bible somewhere.
  9. Focus on the content and not annoying people.
  10.   Studies show that people who use Word Art are doomed to have less sex.

I am close to drafting a petition for Microsoft to abolish Word Art. Please support me.

Zee

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2 thoughts on “10 Reasons Not To Use Microsoft Word Art At Work

  1. OMG. I was covering one of our scientists’ presentations at CERN. One of the biggest findings of our existence — the Higgs boson, no less. And they used Comic Sans. They found the God freaking particle and announced it with Comic Sans. Theoretical physicists. Comic Sans.
    I wanted to crawl back into bed.

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