Lies Can Kill Supermom

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Death Of Supermom

I had my daughter at 27 years old. Pretty good age, I would think. We have both been through tough times. She’s my best friend now and keeper of my secrets and pains. We have a relationship based on honesty. “Always be honest to momma.” I tell her. “Always be honest to me.” She replies. We tell each other the truth even if it hurts sometimes. I tell her the truth even if it means that she sees her mother, weak, vulnerable, making mistakes or major disasters. We have learned to laugh at them. I open up to her about my work, my struggles, relationships, and financials. Everything is an open book and she has her inputs about this as well. There are times when the best advice comes from her. In fact, she’s the one who reminds me that we have been through much more and survived when I hit a rough patch. I’ve been mulling over this and have seen different dynamics especially with single moms.

We have heard so many times that honesty is the foundation of relationships. Sometimes we forget that we have relationships with our children. We shield them from the truth thinking that it’s best for them. As mothers we try to present a strong facade, and portray Supermom. I think not just towards the kids but towards society as well. It’s so much easier to tell them what to do and not involving them with “things that are just for adults”. We can shut them out and they live in a bubble of video games and toys, not knowing what’s going on.

We program them to think what we want them to think but these kids eventually grow up into adults, with their own thoughts and their own opinion. They turn into adults exposed to other people and experiences. Then they realize that their mother lied.

They look back and realize that the man knocking at the door weekly was not the nuisance she didn’t want to see but a bill collector, the “uncle” she introduced to you was the boyfriend who broke her heart, the man who visits was not a friend but their dad, the shatter and scream you heard as a kid was not a broken mirror but was your dad hitting your mom, many small and big lies. Everything to shield the child from “adult things” At the end of the day, all contradiction and lies.

We try to shield our children from truth and try to paint a picture of perfection but it can bear a lot of resentment and anger in the end. Children are little adults. They feel, see, hear, understand and want to help. They also love their mothers and the most hurtful thing for a child is knowing their mother lied to them all their life. SuperMom dies because all the kid will remember would be the lies.

I plan to continue to be honest and transparent to my child. She’s 12 and is my best friend. Our relationship is based on respect, honesty and teamwork. We go through every single challenge together – win or lose. We learn from this, build a stronger relationship based on this and love each other more because of this. We mutually love each other, imperfections and all. As she goes through her teens, this bond is something we need to strengthen more than ever. I am glad I started early.

What do you think about propagating honesty and transparency with your children?

ZEE

 

 

Crazy Dog Woman

Call me a crazy dog woman but I’ve always loved dogs.

dogcollageI grew up with them and as a child I envisioned myself as the dog queen among our many dogs at home. It came to a point that we had 21 dogs at home. We had dogs of all shapes and sizes and they terrorized the neighborhood for a good 30 seconds every time we opened the gate and just ran back in as the car came in and the gate closed. They acted like a pack and I wanted to be their queen, then I wanted to be a vet until our vet had to put asleep one of our dogs and that kind of put me off.

When I moved to Manila, I never thought I missed having a dog or a pet but I did. I lived alone and was a work most of the time so it wasn’t practical. When I had my daughter, I got her a Shih Tzu and named him Ashley. Then Ashley had a puppy from one of the neighbor’s dog of the same breed and we named him Twirly. We loved both very much and leaving them behind was one of the most painful things I did when I had my annulment. Bea and had no space nor could we afford to have dogs when we initially moved out.

img_20150525_190610.jpgWe finally got Vader when everything settled but someone stole our baby. This depressed me for quite a while. It still pains me to see his pictures but we felt it was time for me to have a new baby puppy. We decided to get one from a breeder. Since we decided on a hypoallergenic dog, a Yorkie would be a good choice. My friend Myka who joins dog shows referred the breeder to us and I fell in love with the puppies. The best Yorkshire Terrier breeder in the country it seems. I didn’t know. I just wanted a new baby puppy to love.

No To Puppy Mills

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If you want to buy supplies, go ahead but just not the dogs.

We went to Tiendesitas to check out other dogs months ago and you would only head home feeling bad about the conditions the dogs (and other animals) are in. The Yorkies we looked at were tiny and if you ask them how old these were, they would quickly say 3 months. 3 months yet they couldn’t walk. They were belly crawling on the floor like 4 week olds. Tiny dogs sell and the minimum age for selling a puppy is at 3 months. It was also difficult to determine the actual size of the dogs as the parents aren’t there. Manhandled, scruffy with no parents. Poor doggies

lunacollageWe bought Luna the pomeranian at Tiendesitas and we brought home a puppy with Corona Virus and a lot of Tape Worms. So much tape worms that I felt like she was a piggy bank you could jiggle and worms come out. We spent twice as much for vet fees than what we spent to purchase her. The worst part was the scare of losing the puppy and my daughter already fell in love with her. I am just glad we brought her to the vet for a check-up as soon as we purchased her and was able to literally save her life. We bumped into a friend who bought a poodle on the same day and his puppy passed away 5 days after. Please don’t support these puppy mills – Tiendesitas, Cartimar and the like. They lie to your face about how the puppies are bred, age, condition and even the purity of the breed. Luna is a Pomeranian and we were told she was going to be a toy sized Pomeranian so we paid a premium for the small size. Well, we love her to bits and she’s such a cutie but there’s nothing toy about her size and weight.

Preparing For Our New Baby Puppy

I’ve been waiting for Porkie for a couple of months. The breeder sends us update pictures and she is just adorable. We’ve preparing our home for our new puppy too. We already have her designated area and bought her dog food (we asked the breeder), bed, food and water bowls, leash and collar, shampoo, and toys. We have mentally prepared ourselves for a week of sleepless nights and have cleaned up the crate for initial crate training. Introducing Porkie to Luna may be challenging. Since Vader disappeared, she has been enjoying the alpha dog and only child status. She is quite socialized but I’m sure a little jealousy would come in. We really have to make sure we don’t dote on the little one (Even if I do really want to).

Haay..I really just had to write all of this down because I’m so excited for our new baby, I could burst!

Sensitive Skin Issues

People have been asking about my skin care regimen. I don’t know why when I suffer from stress-induced acne (I have a giant pimple at the side of my nose now. It’s healing but driving me crazy) once in a while and break out in allergies. I also scar really bad. Meaning, I do not have perfect skin at all. Good skin takes a lot of discipline, determination and hard work, people!

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Let your face rest from make-up…wear glasses. Haha

It took me awhile to realize that I had extremely sensitive skin. It took A LOT of visits to the dermatologist too. I break out from stress and most of the ingredients in beauty products especially scented ones. I can’t hoard the way I used to. Now, I Google for reviews or ask for samples if they have any and try it out to see if it suits me. Samples are fun and I wish more companies gave away more samples here in the Philippines. It saves me a lot of money because
a.) I end up not buying it anyway because I have alleviated the purchase itch.
b.) I don’t have to have emergency derma visits if I break out in hives from hell – see this post: Allergy Attack From Hades

I don’t know why someone who can be so insensitive have such sensitive skin. Ugh.

I didn’t include a picture on that post because I was too embarrassed but here it is. I can laugh at it now because that’s all gone. I did freak out when it happened. I had perfectly good skin and this happened within an hour. I literally felt it grow on my face. Rashes with pus in it. This picture was when it subsided a bit..3 days after. It was so much worse on the day it happened, I wanted to knock on the dermatologist’s door.  :

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Disaster!

It’s not easy for me nor is it easy for dermatologists. I have met some who get scared to touch your face or body (another story altogether) because they might do something to mess you up some more. I felt like a leper. Oh well.

I dropped (and threw out) most of the products I have bought and stuck to the following that I swear by now:

Morning: facial wash, a drop of Human Nature Sunflower Beauty Oil for face and Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence SPF 50

 

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This absorbs really fast, affordable and available at grocery stores. Visit humanheartnature.com for more details
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Love this! Absorbs fast, doesn’t clog the skin and no sticky! Available at Watson’s

 

Night:

  • Biore Make Up Remover Oil

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    Available at Watson’s
  • Clarisonic Sonic Facial and Skin Cleansing System
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Got mine at Sephora

 

  • Etude House Baking Powder Pore and BB Deep Cleansing Foam
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Makes my skin squeaky clean

 

  • Mario Badescu Glycolic Toner
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You can get this at Rustan’s Essenses

 

  • 1 drop of Organic Alley Argan Oil
  • 1 drop of Organic Alley Rosehip Oil
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I swear by this. Check out organicalley.me or Sesou outlets

Marinate overnight.

Once a week I use a mask – gold, charcoal or clay mask

Repeat and be consistent. That’s it.

Please do share if you have good skin care tips and products that people with sensitive skin can use!

ZEE

Turning 39 Birthday Blues

I dread birthdays and mine is coming up in a few days. I’ll be honest, I’m scared of aging. Not just in a physical sense but more of the fact that I really want to grow old with my daughter and pursue the many things I want to do and fulfill in my life. Welcome to my annual birthday blues post.

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30 years from now according to Aging Booth app and if I remain untouched by..err.. facial enhancements.

Wrinkles are fine but I don’t plan to just go without a fight. I will continue to marinate myself with argan oil and rosehip oil every night and slather sunblock every day! Like aged rib eye steak! We shall tap into more drastic methods if we need to!  Those botox injections were not just created to stop your armpits from sweating, you know! Though the show “Botched” scares the heck out of me. I think looking like a weird cat woman scares me more than the wrinkling.

What scares me the most would be the lower level of activity in the future as I can already feel my muscles and bones creak because of the lack of exercise. I see articles of 70, even 90 year olds pushing their limits and doing gymnastics and marathons and all I can say to myself would be “What’s my excuse?”.

Like this 86 year old gymnast with a Guiness World Record. You go, grandma!

I guess for the last year of being in my 30’s, I better push myself some more so that I can physically sustain myself for 40 more years or so. Haha.

I have a 12 year old and I had a really bad health scare from 2011 to 2013. It was something we had to overcome as a family and what gave me hope was my little girl. She is turning out to be a very conscientious and responsible young woman and I want to be there for her when she has many more “firsts” in life like stalking her and her date during the prom. I want to continue to support her and reassure her (because she can be quite anxious) when things are not going too well and even if they are doing great. I want to continue to be her biggest cheerleader and ally for as long as I can. Go, Team Bea!

Plans. Sometimes they happen, sometimes they don’t. Either way, it’s nice to plan and dream. My hubby and I have a lot of plans and dreams.
He wants to watch Wrestlemania and I want to try out the restaurants on Man versus Food, be a full time artist or work in the beauty industy and be surrounded by beauty products (Hey, it’s a dream. ).

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We talk about them before sleeping at night. I’ve learned to let go of my dreams and just be surprised and happy with what comes my way. It’s so much easier (and less stressful) that way. My husband taught me that. I used to plan and obsess and make sure things happen. Life was plotted on an excel sheet and everything documented and listed down to make sure my plans happened. I lived this way for the longest time and more often than not, I got the things I wanted. You get what you want but it does not necessarily mean you’re happy. I would rather be happy. Still, we plan, prepare what we can and pray it does happen. Hopefully, we have 40 more years to fulfill them.

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Wheelchair races at 85?

If there is anything I have not been too happy about, it is the past several years of inactivity. I have learned to fall in love with sleep and just staying home doing nothing. Now, it’s so hard to go back to being active again. It’s so hard to push myself again. Good health it seems is the key to not fearing the aging process. I know I have to start now, before it’s too late and totally give up on it altogether or my body gives up on me.

Haay…If I’m scared now, I will probably have an anxiety attack when I hit the big 4-0.

 

ZEE

New Year 2016

2016 has rolled in. We really didn’t welcome it with a big bang. I left for Cebu with my little girl while my hubby was left to old the fort here in Manila. Visits to Cebu can be fun and stressful at the same time.

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Tourists in our own city.

 

The kids rarely see their cousin (my daughter) so every night is slumber party night. Of course we have to keep watch or referee… eventually, one kid ends up crying.20151227_152306_resized

 

I didn’t even get to spend time with any of my friends (sorry, guys), it was all about the kids shopping, games, food and more food, visiting places they Googled about like this Cat Café and Café Tiala. All good fun.20151228_143255_resized

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Café Tiala. You can borrow onesies and costumes and play video games in tiny rooms.

 

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We’re not really cat people but we went to Cat Cafe

They have all grown up so fast. Soon, they’ll be teenagers and I don’t know if they would want a mom or aunt chaperoning them. The thought breaks my heart but on the other hand, it gives me time to sleep and rest. Haha. Really, I don’t want to think about the time they’ll be gallivanting on their own. 😦

 

2016 will be a great year. I just know it. I don’t know what it will bring. Everything just seems so unsure but I’m just going to just go with the flow and let things surprise me.

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Happy New Year, everyone!

 

 Zee