Cranky Piece Of Humanity

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All three descriptions = me

On an average, I wake up at least 7 times everyday before my alarm sets off. Thrice as the puppies wake me up at 3:30 a.m. and I let them out at 5, twice as my hubby’s alarms go off, once to wake up my daughter and another to send her off to school.. No wonder I’m a cranky piece of humanity.

I’m typing up this article at 5:30 a.m. like a perky morning person when I definitely am not. I don’t even try to be and set my alarm at 7:30 a.m. because I know I am not wired to be a rooster. I am an owl.

I wish I could sleep earlier but nope, that’s pretty impossible. I’m usually the last person asleep at around midnight or so.

This is quite an irritable dilemma. Has been for a while. I force myself to go back to sleep at 6:30 a.m. and end up over sleeping and still cranky – irritable, strange and working badly, even sick.

Right now, I’m wishing that Mother’s Day comes along (that’s practically a year from now) and I ask for a day off. A day all to myself with no bother, no noise, no people. Nothing.

We really should have annual VFLL’s – Vacation From Life Leaves.

I don’t know how long I can function this way, really. Maybe it’s a sign that I should be a morning person…God forbid.

My Butt In a Rut

It’s been tough to write lately. Not because nothing has been happening but more of the fact that too many things have been happening. The past 3 months feel like the gods have been conspiring against me. They decided to draw lots and picked my name as to who they should torture the most.

I know that this will soon pass. Things would fall into place eventually and karma would hit the people who made me feel terrible big time. When I say big time, I mean have boils grow all over their body, have someone prick every single one and push them in the ocean until every single raw boil gets filled up with painful saline again. Yes, I was that annoyed for a while. That’s even a less painful route. I would have wanted a Game Of Thrones twist and have someone’s head explode into smithereens…and I’ll have a smug smile like Cersei Lannister.

Obviously, I have anger management issues. I do. So I told myself that I shall try to be productive instead of destructive

Since I can’t write coherently right now, I will just do a random list of articles people request me to write about or I want to write about:

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Make-up must be explained sometimes.

 

  • Make- up Tutorial for the Lazy Woman – Yes, I might do this and I know I promised some people that I would but I had a really bad allergy attack right on my face a couple of weeks ago. Contact dermatitis so bad that I wanted to walk around with a paper bag over my head. So doing a naked face on the net is not a very good idea..but then,it could go viral..let me think about this.
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This on my face. All over my face. Gawd.
  • Allergy Attack from Hades – I’m still battling what has brought me so much hell and torture the past 3 weeks. It’s right smack on my face and I’m not ready to show the pictures of what happened on my blog yet.I have the best dermatologist working on it but I’ll post when I’m healed and back to normal. The pictures you see on Instagram are examples of my bad ass make-up skills with industrial strength concealer. Everyday, I have to spend 30 minutes taking all this gunk off.

Don’t ask “Why not go out without make up? Isn’t it going to make it worse?”. Don’t even go there.

You know who they are. Image: theconversation.com
You know who they are. Image: theconversation.com
  • Workplace Bullies – I used to be a bully of the worst kind. Tiny girl with a big voice, words that hurt, chop and dice people and can roll her eyes like there was no tomorrow. I learned and grew up to be what I call a semblance of a better person. Unfortunately, not everyone grows up and there are tons of work place bullies out there. Sad part is that they just learned to be bullies at work..position and new found power does that. Sad..so tempting to crush like a beetle on the hot pavement. So easy to eliminate. Really. But I’m supposed to be a better person now. *sigh* I say better person because really, I can’t be a bigger person. I’m 5.2”. I hate workplace bullies especially if they bully people who matter to me.
One of her drawings under the "Nomnom" Collection aka us eating.
One of her drawings under the “Nomnom” Collection aka us eating.
  • Bea’s Art – I’ve posted several of my 10 year old daughter’s artworks and have had several requests to feature them and several order requests (She says she’s not ready to sell yet). I’ll post this on the next article. Hey, I’m a proud mom. Sue me.

Okay..those are some of the things I plan to write about as soon as I get out of this rut I am in. If you have more suggestions of things I should write about, just leave me a note. Maybe it will distract me and make me feel better.

Zee

 

My Heart Bleeds Over Heartbleed

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This Heartbleed bug is a hassle.

http://heartbleed.com/

I need to change all my passwords. You can’t be too safe, right? Half of our lives are on the internet. I need my privacy..says the girl who word vomits on her blog. I need to have safe passwords..says the girl whose Instagram and Twitter account are public. Well..I can at least try right? We try to be as responsible and safe as possible on social media but you’ll never know. What if someone hacks your account and God forbid posts an really bad OOTD and everyone thinks it’s you? Worse yet…an ugly selfie. Must, must change that account password.

The tricky thing about changing passwords is that you’ve probably changed it a gazillion times and have used up everything you can think of except for random numbers that you can’t remember the next time you time you log in and requires you to write it down somewhere…digitally (because we don’t use pen and paper nowadays, don’t we?) and we end up in the same crappola we started out with. Oh well. The trials and travails of the digital age.

Worse yet, I changed my passwords but what if the darn bug hasn’t hit my side of the world and when it does hit, I have to change all my passwords all over again?

Ugh.

If I start sounding sane or posting religious and inspirational quotes then my heart has started bleeding for sure…but then again, that could really be just me praying because my accounts have been hacked.

Zee

Picture Or It Never Happened

I saw this picture today and it made me tear up.

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That could have been me flying in a perfect swan dive in the air. Unfortunately, I don’t have anything to show for my spectacular dive and I still blame Mark to this day.

A couple of years ago, we went to Boracay and wanted to try leaping of this cliff called Ariel’s Point. The pictures showed a group tour with food and lots of laughing, drinking and jumping off. I don’t know what happened but the boat we rode towards this place was empty..apart from us. It was just me and Mark. Where was the group tour, the laughing and singing? Anyway, it seemed we had a miscommunication with the boatman and when we said “cliff diving” he brought us to Mr.Lee’s Island (not real name of place because we seriously do not know). They could have mugged us and thrown us off the boat and no one would ever find us.

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Mr.Lee’s island had a cliff diving area as well. Thus, the miscommunication. We were the only people on Mr.Lee’s Island except for the boatmen and that was a bit strange. They brought us up and there was a seafood lunch served. *crick* *crick* It was seriously just me and Mark which made us quite uneasy until we met Mr.Lee, the Korean owner. They opened the week before and we were one of the first guest.

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Walk to the ramp and up the diving board.

They showed us the diving board towards the sea which was around 25 feet high. After lunch, we wanted to try out the diving board. Correction: I wanted to try the board. Up I went and unto the ramp up high. Mark and the boatmen were excited. Camera was ready.

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My last photo. Boo!

 I asked the fisherman on a boat at the bottom. He was there to assist divers “Gaano ka lalim ang tubig sa baba?” (How deep is the water?)

“Mga 12 feet po.” (12 feet)

“Okay!” So I looked at Mark and said “Ready?” He nods.

And I gave the best swan dive I could muster. My swim coaches would have been proud. My arms stretched out and I soared, back arched, feet together, toes pointed, head proudly up. I struggled to move my arms forward for the entry because of the wind velocity but did it. I landed perfectly on the water and heard a snap upon impact.

My bikini top broke. Of all the dumb luck..but I was too excited about my dive.

I held my top up before emerging from the water and gave a big smile and waved. I thought they would be cheering and happy. All I saw were faces in shock. Mark was in shock, the boatman was in shock, Mr.Lee was in shock and the man on the boat dove in to check on me. They just stared. Then I wondered if I flashed my boobies to all the fishermen before landing in the water but no, because then, I would have changed his name to Lucky Mr.Lee.

They thought I was going to do a countdown or not push through with the dive so they were all caught unaware. Mark had this “You’re crazy.” look on his face. He said he was in shock and had no picture of my epic dive. No picture means it did not happen. I only have memories of my epic dive. I was so sad. Mark, now my husband still owes me big time. I want to do it again but we don’t know how to get back to Mr.Lee’s Island or know the name of the place. So, this is basically like some unreal dream sequence I’m talking about because again, there was no picture! Grrrrrr!!!

Then our boat got stranded on our way home but that’s another long story but it did happen because I have a video to prove it! : 

Zee

10 Reasons Not To Use Microsoft Word Art At Work

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Last week, I received a 31 slide presentation that basically used Microsoft Word Art for each and every text used. I unfortunately had the sad role of collating all the presentations sent out and it included this monstrosity. I had to double check if the sender was a child because in my head, only a child would send such a cringe- worthy thing. I mean, really. It didn’t make sense that a 40 year old would use this much Word Art. The bendy, fat, colorful letters and the clip arts that are just meant to annoy people have no place in a corporate presentation. So, I conclude that person secretly hates me. She must hate the fact that I keep microwaving popcorn in the pantry and fill the air with buttery popcorn scents at work. She must have thought:

” For every corn you pop, I’ll give you a faux drop shadow, bevel and emboss.”

“You pop some more and I bend this letter until you can’t understand it.”

” You chose cheese flavor this time..you deserve a multi-colored, gradient-filled extravaganza!”

*Bwahahahaha! Evil laugh*

In my opinion, Word Art was added by the devil in Microsoft to make people have a false sense of creativity. I cannot convince everyone to  not use Word Art but I will try. I will make it my life’s work, I will make it my mission.

10 REASONS NOT TO USE MICROSOFT WORD ART AT WORK

  1. Word Art died together with acid washed jeans. Do not bring it to life.
  2. Do you know that once you turn text into Word Art, it’s Word Art forever? You can’t turn it back into normal text. You have doomed that poor text’s life forever! (and normal people have to retype the document) You want to make sure something isn’t copied? Turn it into Word Art, not a PDF file.
  3. If your boss or God forbid Human Resources uses Word Art, it might catch on and create a culture of oompa-loompas, Bananas in Pajamas and Barney at its worst. Imagine Sales Reports in Word Art.
  4. Unless your mind is bent, don’t bend the words.
  5. Word Art is not creative. It’s just plain lazy.
  6. Color is tolerated. An entire Crayola box of colors (64 color box with the sharpener at the back) is not even close to appropriate.
  7. It might ignite office mates to bring in semi- automatic guns to work and just do a shooting spree. It just messes up the mind, you know?
  8. Word Art + Clip arts is a lie from the devil. I’m sure it’s in the Bible somewhere.
  9. Focus on the content and not annoying people.
  10.   Studies show that people who use Word Art are doomed to have less sex.

I am close to drafting a petition for Microsoft to abolish Word Art. Please support me.

Zee

Flappy Bird Rant

I’ve been playing Flappy Bird for an hour. It started with my asking my hubby “How do you play Flappy Bird?” and everything just went spiraling down.

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Boink! Die.

Flappy Bird does not help whatever anger
management issues I may have. Seriously.

The darn bird keeps dying on me. Boink! Die. Boink! Die. Darn bird. I hate him. The chances of me having carpal tunnel before I can ever get to have a decent score is higher.

Who invented this evil game anyway? Some autistic freak who just wants to see birds suffer? Was he a descendant of those piggies from Angry Bird? Right now, I hate him and poor person is probably gathering so much global negative energy now, and will be the cause of the apocalypse. God forbid.

It doesn’t help that Mark is listening to Backstreet Boys and NSync while playing this game. It’s the perfect formula to unleash the Incredible Hulk within me. I can feel my blood boil as the bird flies and the boy bands sing. Oh God.

I better stop this and never play it again. For the love of my children (namely Bea and Vader the poodle) and my children’s children. I don’t even play video games. As a final message about this game:

Never say your high score of 6 is a fluke. You worked darn hard on it. Too darn hard!

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Hard work pays.

*Uninstall*

Zee